Behind Every Great Man, Lies Another Woman
- KANOPI FEB UI
- 22 hours ago
- 7 min read
The people of his country adored him and his family, who seemed like the perfect picture of happiness. Both the husband and wife had smooth-sailing careers, with their children pursuing top-tier education. It seemed like any paparazzi pictures taken of them would portray laughing at the father’s jokes, or maybe watching the funny behaviours of their toddler. Who would’ve thought that this ideal figure would be entangled with such news of having a mistress? It just didn’t add up. So I guess it’s true what they say : behind every great man, does indeed, lie another woman.
Unraveling the Mistress Economy
The term ‘mistress economy’ stems from the informal relationship where companionship gets paid with financial incentives–normally with one party being in a committed relationship beforehand. This exchange isn’t bonded over legal contracts, but rather stays as discussions that happen behind closed doors. These wealthy men provide their partners with an array of gifts to choose from. It can start from regular allowances like fulfilling their daily needs, to supplying them with their wants in a lavish lifestyle. Sometimes this transaction does not only have monetary value, but can also be in the form of access to opportunities and connections that have an indirect economic benefit.
This is not something entirely new to Indonesia, our history even dated back as early as the Dutch colonization era. Around this time we were introduced to Nyai, which is when these Dutch colonies had Indonesian women as their informal wives. This was the origin to the ongoing pattern of economic dependency and its correlation to social hierarchy for both men and women. For Dutch men, these Nyai were once just the housekeepers, but then the additional task for companionship was added once these Dutch men requested. The historic background of caste elongated since the migration of Hindustanis, making two different layers in society. These Dutch men were a higher caste because of land ownership and power, whereas the Nyai were the lower caste who were obliged to serve them. With the current war circumstances, this relationship was a way out for the Nyai (Wahr, 2024). Truly, this mistress economy is a fight of fulfilling needs, whether from desire or dollars.
What Sparks and Sustains It
It’s not difficult to understand why so many women find themselves in these careers. Few choose this path willingly; most are driven to it by poverty and the absence of viable options. It all roots back to the significant difference between men and women in a workplace setting. There is still limited female labor force participation in Indonesia, which shows from the participation rate of 67,42% for women and 88,35% for men (BPS, 2024). The pause on women’s careers due to childbirth and raising their children has given the opportunity for men to continue on with their careers. Even when they reenter the workforce, there needs to be policies like reinforcing parental leave, flexible working hours and child care facilities. The lack of support in these areas has made women be part of the vulnerable employment, which affects 59.4% of the female workforce (World Bank, 2023).
The FINS model suggests that a woman's career decisions are determined by her financial needs and social norms that apply (Lapinski, 2024). In the context of mistress economies, when she struggles to make ends meet, she might rationalize the action of becoming a mistress, a high paying job that may be more on the unethical end. Social norms that correlate materialistic things to wealth also pressure these women to do anything to keep that luxe lifestyle of theirs. Thus, the FINS model conveys an intricate relation between economic realities and social expectations in shaping women’s career path.
It’s important to note that fingers shouldn’t be pointed towards one party, since demand creates its own supply. Men want to have emotional fulfillment, and if there is a gap left unattended in their primary relationship, that is where the mistress steps in. This need derives from psychological factors and social hierarchy. Oftentimes, these narcissistic traits can establish the sense of entitlement to these secondary relationships. Looking back, powerful men were normally tied to having mistresses as a symbol of status. This goes on to today, where power dynamics can influence the pursuit of affairs and the double standards that co-exist. Mistresses themselves undergo guilt, insecurity and negative social stigma, whereas historically, a maintained relationship with these affluent men have gained them social standing. (De Wall et al., 2011)
The Illicit Costs for a Better Future
As previously mentioned, these relationships may not only be from monetary gain, but also can facilitate connection and opportunities. When one has the starting line of economic constraints and limited access to better paying jobs, this can fuel the tendency for anti-mainstream occupations. Resources that one family is entitled to can shape the paths taken by their children. Therefore, stepping into these careers can actually be a chance to change their fate to have a better standard of living, not only for themselves but the generation after them (Cholli, 2022).
When parents are well off, they have the tendency to invest more in their children’s education and skills which helps them maintain their status. Sometimes, these higher-ups also maintain these opportunities within their circle, which is why many mistresses continue on these secondary relationships to secure an upward mobility for their future generation. However, once they do reach that point, the career ladder of the mistress is often short-lived, as their bodies change and they might not ideally look the part anymore. If financial management is not strategically implemented, they might lose their wealth and restart the ongoing cycle of a lower-status individual, unable to make ends meet. (Becker et al., 2018)
This Great Gatsby figure shows the correlation between income inequality and intergenerational mobility from different countries. The X axis represents the Gini coefficient that talks about the income inequality within a country. Higher values move right on the graph represent greater income inequality and lower values move left on the graph means more equal income. The Y axis measures the persistence of earnings of different generations. Higher values moving up indicates stronger persistence of different generations. This suggests that those countries with higher income inequality are more likely to be more dependent on the economic power of the generation before them. Therefore, a child’s economic future is often affected by the financial condition of their parents (Corak, 2013).
From the figure above, one of the most vulnerable countries would have to be Peru. The home to Machu Picchu is also home to one of the highest informal employment, accounting for 71.65% of their total workforce (Statista, 2023). The informal economy in this context means that these jobs are present in the market but they don’t cater to government demands, legal work contracts, have minimum social safety net and are tax-free. The informal economy itself makes up 42.2% of Peru’s GDP, showing another layer of wealth in Peru’s shadow economy (Luiss, 2022). Women are again the main target of vulnerability. In Peru’s case, they dominate the informal sector–around 79% of employed women being contributors to this informal economy. The domination of women leads to concerns because of the insufficient working conditions and low wages. During the pandemic itself, women in Peru had lost more jobs compared to men and sadly aren’t making much recovery–causing the employment levels to die down even worse than the pre-pandemic conditions (Wiego, 2023). This cyclical unemployment condition might make women drift into these mistress markets.
Back To Phase One
We might point fingers to these women for starting these careers when in reality, it all derives from the same problem : systematic failure. The low wages and poor employment quality co-exist in this market, making most jobs inefficient to provide a stable income (ADB,2016). Other than that, women also do not dominate higher corporate positions, normally being the ones behind the desk where there isn’t much mobility for their careers. The lack of a social safety net in informal sectors adds even more issues especially in vulnerable times of crisis (UGM, 2016). Although the new bill of a 6.5% increase of minimum wage has been passed, it goes hand in hand with the inflation of prices too.
As a result, the inadequate social safety nets and low wages has encouraged individuals to rationalize any career choice that can help pay the bills, regardless of the stigma around it. This can lead to exploitation, unsafe working environments, and a perpetuation of the cycle of poverty. With women being the more vulnerable target, they have higher chances to face discrimination and stay stagnant with their careers due to unequal education and training opportunities.
Redefining the Mistress Economy
The negative stigma around mistresses needs to be redefined. Even though deemed socially unacceptable, it’s important to understand that these relationships may derive from a landscape of limited choices and systemic barriers for women. These decisions are fueled by the low wages, lack of social safety nets and unfair opportunities. This goes far beyond tolerating infidelity behaviour; but also examining the ‘why’ and ‘how’ these systemic failures determine the paths taken by women, further advocating for opportunities that focus on women empowerment and dignity through rightful means.
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